Ithacaview.com

Wegmans is a required destination for visitors and Ithaca newbies alike. It’s a supermarket that took the "super" part to extremes. One half is like going to an old fashioned covered market where bakers, cheese makers, and butchers gather but without the stench. The other half is a huge supermarket with an endless international food section, general services, and (most importantly) daycare.

But I’m not here to praise Wegmans. Let’s talk about the most important thing that men who are truly boys at heart must do there:

Ride Shopping Carts!

Why at Wegmans and not some other store? Wegmans was purpose built for this past-time. It all begins after we have smiled and nodded our way through the market area, fruit and veg sections, makeup aisle, and finally the huge cooking section. Something calls to us as soon as we reach those long, wide aisles on the far side of the store (near the beer, of course). We can’t help but give the cart a push and jump on the back leaving wives, girlfriends, and fill-in-the-blanks behind. Chances are, they are too busy looking at EVERY SINGLE ITEM IN THE STORE!!!! AAAARRRGGHH! (deep breath!) This is only the start. We men go on to endure the checkout - stoically, I might add. For us it is not a chance to catch up on the gossip from the front of trashy mags or peruse the chocolate selection. (Men, here is a tip. There is a candy-free checkout to the far left. Search for it.) We patiently wait for the part we have been practicing for: leaving the store. We know what’s out there.

A slope.

That’s right. The people who architected Wegmans had their hearts in the right place. They gave us a slope from the front door, across the road, and into an endless parking lot. If you choose your cart carefully and your fill-in-the-blank didn’t weigh it down with too many beauty magazines, beauty products and chocolate (beer does not count, btw) you can gain awesome speed here. Don’t worry about the cars, there are stop signs just for this purpose. Exit the store, push off, try to steer a 200 pound cart around reversing Volvo 240’s and smile.

Why do we do this? That’s easy. Freedom.

We long for the wind in our hair and the hard rumble of the wheels on asphalt. It’s a skateboard for men who should know better.

Now, more advice. If you had found the right parking spot when you arrived, you can ride all the way to your car, throw in the groceries, and get the hatch closed before your fill-in-the-blank can see how you piled in the bags and complains. You might even get the car started and the heat on. This will give bonus points and mitigate the inevitable complaints of "why do you always leave me behind?" Enjoy.